You Don't Look Like A Cat

I have a neighbor that lives three houses down the street from me and this woman, who I've nicked named Nurse Ratchet from the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, has this undying need to feed every feral cat she comes in contact with.  I'm not the only person in the neighborhood whose called her to task about feeding so many stray cats, because one of the neighbors threatened to take her to court if she didn't reduce the number of furry critters she was feeding.  Yeah, that went over like a Baby Ruth floating in a swimming pool.  I don't know what UFO dropped this woman off on Earth and in my neighborhood, but it's obvious they aren't coming back for her.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my young bride and I noticed where a cat, or cats as the case may be, felt the urgent need to turn our freshly dug vegetable garden into a giant litter box in three separate spots.  Really? Am I the only sonofabitch in this neighborhood where every cat, domesticated or feral, feels the urge to take a crap in my yard?  Well, this certainly won't do so I set my trusty critter trap up and baited it with the cheapest cat food I could find; however, cat food can attract other animals besides cats.  Yesterday afternoon when I went to turn on the hot tub for a bit of relaxation with my young bride and indulge in a few adult beverages, I noticed the trap had been sprung and much to my surprise there was a large raccoon inside -- not one of those pesky feral cats I was hoping to capture.

As with all the critters that have made a poor life choice and ended up in my trap, I give them a name and this one I initially called Accident because I was after a cat...not a raccoon.  This little guy is an adult male, approximately 3-years old and didn't waste any time bolting from the trap when I released him at the Wayward Critter Refugee Center at Camp Bullis.  Also part of this family tradition is that I have my granddaughter give the varmint a name and this particular raccoon now has been named no other than Gargamel.  And just in case you haven't watched cartoons on TV lately, Gargamel is the evil character on The Smurfs.  So Gargamel and his trusty orange cat attempt to capture one or more of the Smurfs every episode.  Just for the record...I had to look this information up on the internet.

For the time being I've put my trap back in the shed and will wait a few days before setting it out again.  As for Nurse Ratchet, I was told by another neighbor this woman was 'moving to Houston so she could be closer to her daughter and grandchildren' in a couple of months.  Oh baby, rock my world!  I couldn't have been any happier unless I had been born twins!!

So, until such time as old Ratchet baby packs up her duckings and all her worldly belongings and moves to Houston, the task of getting rid of the feral cat's will be left up to me, the family of foxes in the park and three coyotes.