You Might Be A Dome Dweller

I've heard Jeff Foxworthy do his skit on You Might Be A Redneck multiple times both on television and in concerts, and it got me to thinking "I know people like that".  So, like Jeff, I got to thinking back on all the people I've known and worked with over these many years and decided to clump some of these folks into the group I call Dome Dwellers.  These individuals have been known by other names besides Rednecks and the ones that come to mind are Hillbillies, In-Bred's, Coastal Clampetts and Mayberry Misfits.  Certainly none of these nicknames are very flattering; however, they do a good job in identifying those individuals who are out of step with the rest of society.  So, here a few examples of how I classify people as Dome Dwellers:

·       If you require a high dosage of anxiety medicine before leaving the city limits or county line…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you still have every car, stove, washing machine, dryer or tractor that you’ve ever owned, and they’ve been sitting in the middle of a field turning into rust…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If a relative in another state invites you to stay at their home for the holidays and you go to the Post Office to apply for a passport and visa……you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If your idea of “lettin’ loose and raising hell” is playing dominoes on the courthouse lawn with the spit and whittle club…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If all your friends and relatives have the same facial features…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you think drinking beer and shooting out electrical transformers with a high powered rifle is “just a little innocent fun”, but having to register any firearm a blatant attack on this country’s 2^nd amendment…you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If your concept of a “night on the town” with your girlfriend is taking her to a 7-11 for a Frito pie, Honey Bun and Dr. Pepper…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you think a person having more than four vehicles at one time in various stages of demolition in their front yard is a person of “financial wealth and importance”…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If your children get more pleasure from shooting “snot rockets” at one another than reading a good book…..they might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you only drink water that’s been through a brewery first…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If your children can recite by name and year every country western singer to have performed in the Grand Ole’ Opera, but have no clue who the current President of the United States is…..they might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If family disputes and arguments are resolved with the intervention of the sheriff’s department and EMS…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If your home is declared a historical significance by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If all the clothes in your closet and the furniture in your house have the same matching camouflage color and print…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If the only reading materials in your home are Sportsman’s Guide, Bass Pro and Cabela’s…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you think urinating off the tailgate of a speeding pick-up truck should become an Olympic team sport…you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If watching your 90 year old grandmother stand flat footed and spit tobacco juice into a one pound coffee can over the top of a box car is fun…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you think picking your nose and toe jam on your neighbor’s front porch is not a social disgrace…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If you don’t think “pinching a loaf” in the litter box of your girlfriend’s cat is bad manners…..you might be a Dome Dweller.

·       If going to funerals and weddings are the only places you know where the “hot babes” are…..you might be a Dome Dweller.