Nominee's For This Year's "Those People" Award

Since the beginning of time as we know it, there have always been those individuals who, through no fault of their own, weren't exactly blessed with enough gray matter between the ears.  These folks are the type who think being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the "cool table" in a cafeteria at a mental hospital.  The best way for me to describe what kind of individual would be classified as a member of Those People is this way.  When our young nation was being explored by pioneers, Those People were the one's who were eaten by bears and mountain lions, scalped by the Indians, perished from thirst and starvation, and committed acts of cannibalism in the Sierra Nevada Mountains (aka Donner Party).  These same individuals are also acknowledged on the internet as winners of the Darwin Awards.  Ta-Dah!!!!!

Here we are 396 years later after the landing of the Mayflower on the Atlantic coast with 102 English Separatist onboard, Those People managed to survive and continue to boggle our imaginations with their stupidity.  And this has partially been due to the advances in medicine, engineering, communications and last, but certainly not least, laws were passed to keep from killing them.  So, the question then needs to be asked: What characteristics do these people posses that would enable easy identification?  And the answer is - they're everywhere!  These people are in every facet of daily life.

Regardless of nationality, wealth, gender, sexual preference, social status, religion or the color of their skin, they all have one common denominator - they will never be too old to learn new ways of being stupid!  Let me introduce you to each of the nominee's for this year's Those People award!!!!

Here we have the first nominees in the 'Oh, Sweet Jesus' category.  If brains were lard, these two nit wit's wouldn't have enough to grease a skillet.  Seriously, I don't know exactly when the UFO landed and dumped these two dumb asses, but apparently they aren't coming back for them.

The next category is the 'You're Not Wrapped Real Tight Are You' and as you can see, this nominee is going above and beyond the limits of sanity.  Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most never use it.  This guy's engine's runnin', but ain't nobody driving.

This years nominee for the 'Mary Poppins' category chose to add just a splash of imagination and vault the competition to a higher level.  From the angle of approach, there is a possibility this person may land in the shallow end of the pool and the next seven years will be pulling broom splinters out of his butt.  There's a village somewhere that's lost their idiot!

We have three nominee's this year in the international category of 'Spare No Expense'.  Due to the privacy restrictions, I'm not authorized to disclose the exact location or country from which this picture was originated.  However, based upon the tools of the trade these fellows are using, it appears the hand-woven grass rope and 50-gallon drum filled with water are of the highest quality from Oscar's Hardware Emporium.  This team of entrepreneurs certainly give new meaning to the phrase of 'giving the job to the lowest bidder'.  

This is "Ha Ha Harvey" and he is the only nominee in the 'Trade School' category this year.  Harvey got the nickname Sparky while attending the Underwater Demolition School in Yuma, Arizona.  After four years of labor intensive studying, he decided to change majors and devote his energy into grinding metal at a nitroglycerin plant.  Never argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

And the final category for this year's Those People award is 'Betcha Can't Do It'.  The nominee's are three brothers from Hoboken, New Jersey who moonlight in their spare time as interior decorators at the meeting hall of the Port-A-Potty Union Local 598.  Between their daytime employment as window washers and moonlighting, it doesn't leave them much time to practice their routine as The Flying Bambino's trapeze act.  I wish them success in the future and look forward to seeing them again next year.  It's obvious these guy's are ridin' the gravy train with biscuit wheels!