Appraisal Review Board (ARB) $100,000-$200,000 Gang

 It's not until the property owner enters the hearing room that the ARB panel will be provided paper work on the location of the property and its' appraised value for the first time.  The homes and property in the $100,000-$200,000 range are mostly houses built in the late-50's to the mid-70's, located mainly in the poor white, black and Hispanic neighborhoods; they are slum lord havens and the local activist call these "gentrification" areas.  The owners work primarily in blue collar jobs and are very quick to say "we ain't rich ya' know!"  At each hearing the property owner is given the option of either presenting their evidence first or they can defer to the district appraiser, who is sitting right next to them -- they always want to go first.

The property owner normally begins by saying "Listen, I want to be fair about all of this but......), "I can't sell my house for what you have it listed at.  You wanna buy my house?"; "I want to pay my fair share of taxes and do what's right but....) and "If I were to put my house on the market right now, I couldn't sell it for what you have it appraised at."

The vast majority of these home owners have a very difficult time understanding why their property appraisal continues to increase every year, when according to them, "nothing has been done" to their property in years.  It makes them angry when told their neighbor two blocks over from them sold their house for $150,000 and thus, this causes the price of all the houses in that neighborhood to increase.  Their logic is that since they don't personally know the person who sold that house, then that house is NOT in their neighborhood and everybody shouldn't have to suffer the increase in value because of the seller's greed.  It's insane to come to that conclusion, but that's how it works in their mind and you are not going to change it.

Some of the people in this price range can become very theatrical, especially the women, filling the hearing room full of drama.  After seven years of hearing people protest, it got to where I could predict with a high degree of accuracy as to how the hearing was going to go.  For example, if the husband and wife were both in attendance, then 95% of the time it would be the wife doing all the talking and the husband would just sit next to her like a lump on a log.  If the property owner was a female, be prepared for either (a) Hell fire, brimstone and passages from the bible, (b) drama queen deluxe with a never ending supply of tears or (c), quite and thankful.  If the owner is male, and depending on age, he is going to be direct, ask very few questions and dislikes having to take time off from work to come to a hearing, which he may or may not get the dollar value he is seeking.

At the beginning of each hearing the Chair will say "Tell us about your property."

- "Youse guy's, my neighbor behind me has a large in ground swimming pool that's half-full of black water and it's home to a million frogs!  Jesus!  Youse guy's wouldn't believe how loud those damn bull frogs get a night -- they never shut up!"

- "These homeless people are so disgusting!  They keep sticking their dirty panties and used toilet paper in my wire fence."

- "My neighborhood is like the Wild West -- guns blazing every night!"

- "I'm not Danny Deep Pockets, so ya'll need to lower my taxes."

- "An inflated house market is what causes gentrification and we both know who's responsible for that."

- "My house looks like it was the target in a Beirut bombing strike!"

- "Only an insane person would pay that much for this dump!"

- "I got a real big mess when I bought this house.  It's going to cost more to fix it up than what I paid for it."

- "Can't imagine anybody stupid enough to actually pay money for this place."

- "We found tombstones on our property and called the funeral home to see who they belonged to.  They said those tombstones were our problem now -- not theirs."

- "When I bought my house in October 2018, I didn't realize there was a "doggie dog" at the bottom of the back kitchen door.  Now every dog in the neighborhood keeps coming in and out of my kitchen and I want to know much of a discount the District's is going to give me for that door?"

- "I don't know why I should have to buy flood insurance.  We didn't have this problem until those rich people in their $200,000 homes moved in here.  They should have to pay my property taxes instead of me!"

- "I paid $80,000 for this house in 1997 and sold it to my son for $150,000 last summer.  He just got married a few months ago and we found out his wife is pregnant.  There's no way my son can pay taxes on $121,000 right now, so we thought you might go back to the 2016 value for the next 2-3 years so he can have time to get settled."

- "I'm not selling my house -- ever!!  I paid $80,000 for it two years ago and I don't care if my neighbors are selling their homes to the "rich people" for $150,000.  I don't think I should be punished for not selling!"

- "My wife and I are citizens of the Republic of Texas and we don't recognize the United States or its laws.  According to the Texas constitution of 1836, 'that no citizen owning property shall pay any taxes.'  Now, ya'll need to sign this affidavit stating my wife and I don't have to pay any taxes on our property and we'll be on our way."

- "The police chased a man into my backyard and shot him dead!  A week later the dead guy's family knocked on my door and asked me if they could put a 'memorial' in my backyard, complete with a cross, flowers and burning candles.  Nobody's gonna pay $120,000 for my house with all the crime in my neighborhood and people walking in and out in my backyard."

- "I bought my house in 2010 and I didn't know we could protest.  So I want my 2019 appraisal to be rolled back to the 2010 amount to make up for all those years I didn't protest."

- "This hearing is fake!  I've notified the FBI and Justice Department and they'll be investigating this panel."

 - "I had some squirrels get in my attic last year and I certainly didn't want them making a nest up there.  I crawled into the attic with a sling shot and shot three bags of mothballs up there in an attempt of running them off.  Can I get a decrease in my appraisal value for unusable space?"

- "I bought this property in 1999 and it sits on the side of a hill-- it's all hilly!  Nobody buys a house that's built on the side of a hill!"

And my last one for the day:

After picking the wax out of his right ear and then wiping the gooey substance on his pant leg, the man says "I haven't had a chance to fix this place up.  I've been out of a job for the past 10 months and nobody is hiring since the fracking bidness went under."