Our Trip To Coushatta Casino

Last week my wife and I took a bus tour to Kinder, Louisiana with 40 good friends of ours to do a little gambling at the Coushatta Casino.  Tuesday was our first day there and it was also seniors day, and it appeared every old geezer within a 100 mile radius was at the casino, along with their walkers; motorized scooters and oxygen tanks.  Whenever I'm around a lot of senior citizens in a confined area, I will not get in any line in which there are more than two people.  Why?  Because: (a) it takes them forever to figure why they're in line to begin with; (b) most of them are so damned senile they can't remember where they crapped at last; and (c) they fart a lot!  Nothing will make the nostril hairs flutter anymore than having smelled a rancid boiled cabbage and brussel sprout fart coming from an old person. And the finale of the "gas show" would be the possibility of them "leaving a load" in their shorts isn't out of the realm of possibilities either.

The first day my wife and I had about as much luck playing the slots as Roseanne Barr did singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl.  We only took $150 to gamble on, because neither one of us is exactly a Diamond Jim Brady that's for sure; however, just 2-hours before getting on the bus for our return trip home on Wednesday I won $95!

While strolling around the casino and checking all the different slots and methods of gambling that's used to "take money" from people, I saw two old guy's sitting at slot machines and each had a cigar that was a big as cricket bats.  Although the cigars weren't lit, I had this uncontrollable urge to walk up to them and say, "Wow! You look just like a Hollywood movie star....Lassie takin' a crap."  Yes, these old guy's had done nothing to me whatsoever to deserve such treatment and they were minding their own business.  However, at this stage of my life it's difficult at times to control myself.  In this particular situation, however, I did use good judgement and never said anything to either of them.

Coushatta has an excellent buffet and since I'm a devout "people watcher", it provided me with a couple of hours of good humor.  There was this one couple in particular that I watched at dinner and they were approximately in their early- to mid-70's, and the wife was, shall I say a "rather large" individual and riding in her Shamu Cart (aka motorized scooter).  Once the "skinny" husband had paid at the register and the hostess was leading them to their table, Big Mama kicked her scooter into overdrive and left her husband and waitress in her dust.  Did she go to the salad bar?  Nope.  Did she head for the cooked vegetables and meats?  Absolutely not.  How about the soup section?  Get real.  The ole' lard ass made a straight shot for the dessert bar where the employee was handing out "large scoops of ice cream" and putting it on a "chocolate brownie" that was the size of a catchers mitt!  That woman needed that dessert about as much as Custer needed another Indian at the Little Big Horn.  Once the couple was seated, the old woman snarfed that brownie and ice cream down faster than it takes to fart in a public elevator.  Unbelievable.