You Gotta Be Kiddin' Me Mert!

I never heard of AARP until my 50th birthday when I got a membership card from then.  And even then I thought they were an auto club of sorts.  Well, below are four examples(??) on How To Stay Healthy (Right Now) from the October/November 2015 issue on page 48.  Two of the examples sound fairly reasonable, the third works well with me; however, number four is way out there in logic.  Read and grin!

1) Get A Grip - Having a firm handshake is a sign of vitality and long life.  One study found that weak grip strength puts you at higher risk for heart attack, stroke and death.  But it's not just grip strength that's important: It's overall strength, so commit to a total-body strength-training plan.  When I shake a man's hand and it's "limp", first thought in my mind is "What a puss!  Grow a pair Sherlock and shake hands like a man for cryin' out loud.  Are you hen-pecked?"

2) Follow The Buddy System - Men, especially as they age, tend to become solitary beasts, much less likely to form deep, lasting friendships than women are.  That, researchers say, can be detrimental to well-being and health.  In fact, the lack of positive social relationships is comparable to smoking and alcohol consumption for increasing mortality risk.  Make an effort to cultivate friends -- both new and old -- and spend more quality time with family.  I've got a couple friends and relatives that are this way...they get along better with animals than they do people.

3) Bone Up With A Beer - A nice cold beer is not just refreshing: It may also help strengthen bones.  A 2013 report in the International Journal of Endocrinology notes that the barley and hops in beer make it a good source of the mineral silicon, important for bone formation and health.  The type of silicon in beer, orthosilicic acid, is extra easy for your bones to absorb.  I agree with this entirely!!!

4) Stamp Out Erection Issues - Worry over impotency can cause...impotency.  Here's a test to see if problems are physical or psychological.  Wrap a length of postage stamps around the base of the penis.  Secure the ends together and go to sleep.  Repeat for three consecutive nights.  If the stamps are torn along a perforation the next morning, you're still having good nocturnal erections, which means any get-it-up difficulties you're experiencing are probably due to emotional stress.  Can you believe this crap?  Stamps?  What the hell is with the stamps?   What kind of mental midget comes up with an idea like this?  I'll say this, "It'll be an extremely cold day in Hell before I lick those stamps and put 'em on Christmas cards.  Nope, not happening!!